someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
