3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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