If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Randomize
