I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
