At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
