Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
