I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
BRING THE BAGELS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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