I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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