i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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