New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
