hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
