You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
