you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize