who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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