Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
