he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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