I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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