this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
