dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
