What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize