you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My vagina is officially offended.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
