I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
