3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
