Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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