she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
