The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Never joke about your clitoris.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
