Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
