2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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