it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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