pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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