ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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