I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't deserve a penis
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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