hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
