i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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