I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
