Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
