i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
