Plan B is the new Plan A
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
