Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize