Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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