So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is my gift to your gina
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
