Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You are a genius and a whore.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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