Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize