I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
