my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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