Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
