would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
