Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
