well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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