By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
