Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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