in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
