Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
