he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
