does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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