i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
