There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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