I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
