I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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