Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
