i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize