gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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