Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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